Last week I ran the Toronto Goodlife Marathon and got a WTE. That's my new acronym, it means "Worst Time Ever". I don't know why this happened but I know I don't want it to happen again. I bonked at the half way point and totally shut down mentally. I came close to giving up and just sitting on the curb and crying.
My husband Don was riding his bike along the route and came along side me just when I started feeling defeated. Having someone ride their bike along side me, I discovered is not quite as exciting as your family cheering and holding signs for you. I desperately needed some motivation so I told him to cheer for me cuz I was bonking and needed some encouragement. He said in a forced enthusiastic voice " Go Cyndie Go. You can do it ". It was like when you're in labour and your husband is trying to encourage you but it just annoys the heck out of you! Is that the best you can do?? Can't you see I'm in pain here??
I told myself, you can do this. Don't give up. You've given birth this should be a piece of cake. So I tried going into a Lamaze trance. In Lamaze you are trained to ignore pain and stare at an object and just concentrate on your breathing. So I did just that and starred at the ground with my arm swinging back and forth like a pendulum to help me concentrate. I just ran like a machine, starring at the ground in a trance. I must have looked crazy but it kept me going for the next 10 K and at that point I really didn't care what I looked like.
The last 10K I had to take a lot of walk breaks and I was sooo thirsty. I think I scared the water volunteers when I would grab 2 waters at a time and then snatch 2 more Gatorades. I couldn't understand why I felt this bad. Maybe it was because it was my first long run in the heat. Maybe it was because I trained alone and not with a group this time. Maybe it was because I didn't do speed work or train hard enough. Maybe because I had PMS. Maybe because a friend of mine had said to me the day before that sometimes you can just have a bad race, maybe she jinxed me! Maybe because my family wasn't there and my husband sucks at cheering! I don't know!
But what I do know is that I fought through the pain and fatigue even though I wanted to quit. I moaned and groaned and looked like a total mess through the whole thing but it was worth it because at the end of it.....I got a beautiful 2 lb medal and was smiling my face off. When I look back on the race now and at the pictures all I think about are the good things. Like how Don was with me the whole way and was proud of me even though I was really grumpy to him and how we worked together as a team.
I remember after my first child was born I thought to myself...... yeah, one is good. There's no way I'm ever going through this again! That's exactly how I felt the last few kilometers. But now a week later as I started my day with a 10 k run, I thought to myself...it wasn't so bad. It will be easier next time.... it was kind of amazing....it was so beautiful......I did awesome!
Somehow you forget all about the pain. I have 4 children
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