At Marathon Clinic last week's 10K tempo run I didnt come in dead last! When I got home I announced to my family "Second Last!" They gave me a huge cheer, well it was a cheer, I'll take it. I was starting to feel better about my running.
This week the leader announced we were doing 1 kilometer repeats. I was a little apprehensive but thought maybe I'd be better at this because in school I was always one of the top three in the short distance races.
Two leaders ran with a group of about 10 of us a couple kilometers to the 1K route. We ran the route slow and then we were supposed to do it fast and then repeat that 3 times. Our fast laps were supposed to get faster every time. I was the only one without a watch. They all wear these huge watches that cover half their forearm that shows all their stats. I've never been that technical about my running. I know my best race times and thats about it. One of the leaders said he'd keep track of my times. Gee thanks. I'm sure he's going to announce my times loudly for everyone to hear.
We did the first slow lap together chatting and laughing. Meanwhile Im trying to memorize the route so I dont get lost. Then came the first fast lap. No more talking it was serious, hardcore running now. I was the one hacking and coughing but keeping up, until the last stretch. I was dead last, again. The leader told me my time was 4:20 I think, I didnt know if that was good or not. I just know I was last.
My second fast lap was supposed to be faster but it wasnt. I thought I was going to die.
For our last fast lap the leader announced we were doing something different and switching things up. He said we were going to do things backwards. So that means you will be first and he pointed at me. My heart dropped. I mean I knew everyone knew I was last but this was embarrasing. He didnt even know my name. "And whats your name?" Cyndie, yeah thats me, Cyndie the tortoise. He said the next person would start 10 seconds after me ( that was Ed) and then 10 seconds after that another person would go. So the person who was usually first went last. The idea was that by the end we would all be in a line racing each other. Healthy, fun competition he said. Yeah fun for who Mr Jumbo Tron Watch? He said if your not used to being chased you'll feel what its like to be chased and vice versa.
So he gave me the signal to start. I started out fast, no one in front of me. Running free right up front, everyone chasing ME for once and ....I wanted to cry. I felt like running down the wrong road on purpose. I felt so embarrased and I wanted to stop right there and give up. I knew that any minute everyone would catch up to me and I'd be last again, except this time it would be even more humilating. I felt myself slowing down. Ok stop being a suck I chastised myself. Besides it felt kind of good being in front. Maybe I could just enjoy being first for a little while.
Earlier the leader had told us that what he does to push himself in a race is he concentrates on looking at an object and doesnt think about anything else. He blocks out his pain and just concentrates on that object. Well thats exactly what they taught us to do in Lamaze class and I''ve given birth to 4 babies! Hey I can do this!
The breathing hurt so bad but I concentrated on the next street sign. Then I realized I was halfway done the route and no one had caught up to me yet. I was giving it my all and trying to stay first for as long as I could. I could hear Ed breathing behind me. He caught up to me just towards the end. Ed was the only one who beat me! The leader said that was my fastest time and said it sure feels different being up front doesnt it? It sure did! When Im last I feel heavy and slow. It just shows how being first pumps you up.
I learned two things this week at Marathon Clinic. First of all we have to see ourselves as winners and feel like a winner and we have to believe in ourselves that we can do it. And second of all I need to do more kegel exercises.
Running for Physical, Mental and Spiritual Health
