Thankful Like Dan the Beer Can Man

I haven't written on my blog for awhile because my computer broke but tonight I borrowed my daughter's computer because something awesome happened to me while I was on my run. I didn't want to forget it and it's perfect for Thanksgiving.

I've talked about Dan the Beer Can Man before on my blog.  He's a homeless man who I run into once and awhile on my running route.  God always seems to put him in my path when I need a life lesson.  I hadn't seen him for quite some time but ran into him tonight.

"Hey Dan! I haven't seen you for awhile, where have you been?"

He seemed different today.  There was something about him.  He seemed calm and quiet.

"I've been in the hospital, just got out 2 days ago."

"Well thats good.  Did you get your hip fixed?"

"I was jumped again.  They beat me up and stole my shopping cart and all my empties. The left side of my body is numb but I'm not going to let it die.  I'm just gonna keep on walking and collecting my empties.  There's too much to live for."

"That's terrible!"  I thought to myself, who would do that? He has so little and they even take that!
"Well Dan at least you are still walking and you survived the hospital.  You said if you ever went in there you would come out in a box."

"Yeah I'm not giving up" he said. "I could be paralized and stuck in the hospital.  It's such beautiful weather isn't it?  The colours are so beautiful.  There's so much to be thankful for."

He actually said that!

"Yeah they told me at the hospital that they found me in the creek behind Midtown Mall and that I had been there for 3 days.  They had to cut off my beard cuz it had all duck poop in it."

My heart broke.  "I'm so sorry Dan."  Then I pulled a Cam (if you watched Modern Family last night you would understand).  Let's just say I got emotional.

Maybe I should have invited him to Thanksgiving dinner or maybe I should have prayed with him but all I could do was pat his shoulder and say in my shaky Cam voice "Hang in there Dan."

He wished me Happy Thanksgiving and then I ran off and had a good cry.  I treasured my run,  the beautiful fall weather and all the beautiful colours and was thankful for the lesson to appreciate all the little things in life.  There's so much to live for!

I wish I had a picture of Dan but this is not him, even though his hair is a bit scruffy. It's a picture of my son with a sculpture of Jesus as a homeless man.

My Husband Don's Poem of Doubt & Hope

My husband and I had some time off last week and it felt so good because our hearts have been very heavy lately.  It just seems like the big, ugly wrecking ball of cancer is just randomly hitting so many people we care about.  Healthy, life loving people, even a young mother of 9.  And lately the news is filled with such darkness.  Such disturbing, troubling stories that hit close to home.

When I am feeling troubled I pray and run and I am given answers and comfort.  My husband, a musician,who enjoys writing lyrics and poetry,expressed his feelings of doubt and frustration in a poem. An exercise he described as very therapeutic.

When he read it to me I cried my eyes out (of course) but it felt so good just to cry together for the pain of others that we can do nothing for but pray.

I asked him if I could share it because it gave me so much comfort and maybe it will do the same for someone else.  It took awhile but he said OK...so here it is.

If This House Comes Crashing In - By Don Andringa

My Faith rests on a foundation that has seen it's share of storms.
And the cracks there may be many but it's retained a solid form.

But now I fear it’s crumbling, I hear the water seeping in,
And that potent smell of poisonous doubt fills my house again.

Taking refuge in a corner, I pull my knees up to my chin,

For I fear I’ll have no place to go…
If this house comes crashing in.

Close my eyes and try to disappear, I can’t bear to watch it fall.
I fear the barren wilderness beyond these trembling walls.

Where is your Love?
Where is your Mercy?
Do you not hear our plea?
Your silence is louder than the storm, that threatens the soul in me.

Am I destine to wander without the guidance of my faithful friend?

For I fear I’ll have no place to go…
If this house comes crashing in.

Restore in me that child, restore that trustful bliss.
Hold me tight…..
No tighter still !
Till I relax my tight clenched fist.

And then,
I will choose to stand my ground on what I cannot see.
I will look into the eyes of death and confess what I believe.

That this night will pass,
The dawn will come,
And the sun will shine again…

And you will lift me from the rubble,
If this house comes crashing in.

So Excited and Honoured to be a Guest Blogger on Tosca Reno's Website

http://www.toscareno.com/2013/05/21/turning-50-means-go-for-it/

The Labour of a Marathon

Last week I ran the Toronto Goodlife Marathon and got a WTE.  That's my new acronym,  it means "Worst Time Ever".  I don't know why this happened but I know I don't want it to happen again.  I bonked at the half way point and totally shut down mentally.  I came close to giving up and just sitting on the curb and crying.

My husband Don was riding his bike along the route and came along side me just when I started feeling defeated.  Having someone ride their bike along side me, I discovered is not quite as exciting as your family cheering and holding signs for you.  I desperately needed some motivation so I told him to cheer for me cuz I was bonking and needed some encouragement.  He said in a forced enthusiastic voice " Go Cyndie Go. You can do it ".  It was like when you're in labour and your husband is trying to encourage you but it just annoys the heck out of you!  Is that the best you can do?? Can't you see I'm in pain here??

I told myself, you can do this.  Don't give up.  You've given birth this should be a piece of cake.  So I tried going into a Lamaze trance. In Lamaze you are trained to ignore pain and stare at an object and just concentrate on your breathing.  So I did just that and starred at the ground with my arm swinging back and forth like a pendulum to help me concentrate. I just ran like a machine, starring at the ground in a trance.  I must have looked crazy but it kept me going for the next 10 K and at that point I really didn't care what I looked like.

The last 10K I had to take a lot of walk breaks and I was sooo thirsty.  I think I scared the water volunteers when I would grab 2 waters at a time and then snatch 2 more Gatorades.   I couldn't understand why I felt this bad.  Maybe it was because it was my first long run in the heat.  Maybe it was because I trained alone and not with a group this time.  Maybe it was because I didn't do speed work or train hard enough.  Maybe because I had PMS.  Maybe because a friend of mine had said to me the day before that sometimes you can just have a bad race, maybe she jinxed me!  Maybe because my family wasn't there and my husband sucks at cheering!  I don't know!

But what I do know is that I fought through the pain and fatigue even though I wanted to quit.  I moaned and groaned and looked like a total mess through the whole thing but it was worth it because at the end of it.....I got a beautiful 2 lb medal and was smiling my face off.  When I look back on the race now and at the pictures all I think about are the good things.  Like how Don was with me the whole way and was proud of me even though I was really grumpy to him and how we worked together as a team.

I remember after my first child was born I thought to myself...... yeah, one is good.  There's no way I'm ever going through this again!  That's exactly how I felt the last few kilometers. But now a week later as I started my day with a 10 k run, I thought to myself...it wasn't so bad.  It will be easier next time.... it was kind of amazing....it was so beautiful......I did awesome!
Somehow you forget all about the pain.  I have 4 children

The Day I Slept in my Coat

This long winter is taking a toll on me.  Last week I did something that I've never done before.  I've wanted to do it for years.  I've been tempted so many times especially when my kids were little but the guilt would be too much.

When I come home from work I usually keep my coat on for awhile till I warm up.  I'm someone who is always cold.  I was feeling very bla because of this never ending winter.  I didn't feel like doing anything.  So I went to the fridge and just ate an array of whatever was there, goat cheese, left over blueberry pie filling, spinach dip and blobs of nut butter.  I felt like a blob.  Then I sauntered over to my bedroom still with my winter coat on and then it happened.

I looked at my bed.  It looked so comfortable and I felt so tired.  So many times I have been tempted to just flop down on my bed and go to sleep but you just don't do that.  There are too many things to get done.  But what would it hurt if I just lay down for a minute.  My kids can fend for themselves now; they can make their own dinner.  So I laid down, my cozy winter coat and all.  It felt so decadent.

As I laid there I had a pity party and whined to myself Spring will never come!  Then it came to mind what our pastor had said on Easter.  He said Jesus died on Friday but He arose on Sunday.  No matter what happens in our life we know Sunday is coming.  On this earth there is pain, sorrow and injustice but we know Sunday is coming.  That is our hope and with that I was out like a light.

My husband came home from work at 8 o'clock.  I rolled out of bed to greet him with my coat still on, a groggy face and bed head.  He said where have you been?  I guiltily said......in bed?  "Please take me to the store so we can buy dinner."  (I said my kids could make supper, I didn't say they would.)  He put his arm around me and gently walked me to the car like I was a hospital patient.

Today a week later, now mid April there is a snow storm warning.  I thought about my coat nap and the fact that I have hope.   So what's a little snow.  Come on get your butt out there.  So I begrudgingly got dressed for my run and put on my winter tights, toque and gloves AGAIN holding onto the hope that spring IS coming. Spring WILL come in fact its just around the corner.

Look Out For Those Darn Bunnies!

March 3 I did the Chili Half Marathon in Burlington, On.  It was very chilly at -5 with a windchill that made it feel like -15.  Race starts are always exciting but this one started along the lake and I thought - this is flippin cold!  Despite that there were a few runners wearing shorts! 

I eventually warmed up but can't really say I had a great race.  I didnt train really hard for this race and was a bit worried about my time.  But this race was not supposed to be a fast one but a goal to keep me running through the lovely, toasty months of January and February.  

I ran into a friend at the start of the race and he said he was just using this race as a practice run for his next race.  I saw him at the halfway point of the race and he was smiling ear to ear.  He was obviously enjoying himself and taking it all in.

I usually do that but not this time.  I kept watching people faster than me and thought - dang it why are they faster than me?  I stared at their feet and tried to copy their stride.  Quicker, lighter steps.  No, lift your feet higher.  I got frustrated with myself.  Enough already stop obsessing and enjoy the race and admire the beautiful houses in Burlington.  I did for a bit but then found myself staring at feet again.  Ugh! 

A sign someone was holding stressed me out even more.  "Pain is temporary but internet results are forever."  Yikes....get moving!  My ego can't take a bad half marathon time forever! 

Ottawa Pace Bunny

The problem was I started out with a faster pace bunny than I should have.  I know,  I've made this mistake before. I should have ran with the 1:55 bunny but my eyes got too big for my feet and I moved up to the 1:50 spot.  Well the result was I struggled through the whole thing, people were constantly passing me and the 1:55 bunny passed me with only 2 kilometers to go. 

There's nothing more discouraging than a bunny passing you.  You feel defeated and you suddenly feel heavier and move in slow motion.   Darn you bunny!  I'll get you!  But I couldn't catch the little bugger.

I managed to squeak in with a chip time of 1:55:57.  Take that bunny! I was happy, it sounds sooo much better than 1:56.  My stats were pretty good too coming in 29th in my age category of 201 women 50-54.

But I didn't run my own race.  I was trying to run everyone else's race.  I do that a lot.  Instead of being happy and proud of my own accomplishments I look at everyone else's.  I need to take a chill pill, do the prep work, be confident and just do my best.  Enjoy the race,  my own race.

Now I really need to go and do some fartleks, tempo runs and speedwork.  Next time I'll get that bunny!

Happy Valentine's Day!

As I was driving home Monday I was thinking about my "Winter Blah Plan".  I thought it was such a great plan but why was I still feeling the Winter Blahs??  I'm still struggling and miss the sunshine.  Then a light went off in my head.  I forgot to do the most important thing in order to make the plan work.  Of course.... its so obvious. I had forgotten to ask God for help with MY plan.  I suddenly felt my load lighter.  Why do I always forget to ask for help?

When I got home my son came in dripping wet from walking the dog.  He saw me in my running clothes and said "Its hailing out there you know?"  Doubt crept in.  It would be totally understandable to skip today's run.  I really needed God's helping hand to push me out the door.  If I didnt run today I know I'd be feeling the Winter Blahs bad. 

I got outside and yeah it was raining and hailing but it was plesantly mild.  It felt quite refreshing actually.  After a few kilometers I could see "Dan the Beer Can Man" in the distance limping with his grocery cart full of empties.  Of course.  It seems everytime I'm feeling down on myself Dan appears on my running path to lift my spirits.  Dan is homeless but a survivor, an entrepreneur and always happy with interesting stories or a joke. 

I stopped and took out my earbuds.  "Hi Dan".  I asked him if he'd been outside all winter because I had seen him walking around one really cold night.  He said of course.  "Survival of the fittest".  The problem is he's not very fit.  He has a bum hip but refuses to see a doctor.  "Im not going to the hospital.  If you go in there you always come out in a box". He told me about his igloo in the woods and how the snow storm on Friday really helped it.  He said he keeps a hibachi with coals in there and it keeps him warm all night, along with his pet coyotes. (What?!) Yep he has 2 pet coyotes named Mutt and Jeff. Their mother was killed on the train tracks 2 years ago.  Dan doesn't get the Winter Blahs and he lives in it!

I said bye and started running off.  He yelled back to me "Hey incase I dont see you, Happy Valentine's Day!"  (Thanks Dan).  I couldnt stop smiling.  I dont know why that made me smile so much but it just made me feel great.  Then the band on my MP3 player sang "Thats how I love you".

No one knows me better than my Maker.  God knows my personality so well and knows what warms the cockles of my heart.  It was a perfect little gift that made me smile and He is the perfect Valentine.